i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
