ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
