We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Randomize
