Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
