3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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