wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
