Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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