if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
