you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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