I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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