girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
