God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
