who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
