East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
