hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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