So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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