Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
