I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize
