well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
