also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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