how can u be prego again
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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