you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Randomize