I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
