booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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