U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
