Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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