Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
