Is it normal to miss your booty call?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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