and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
