Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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