I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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