As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Congratulations! We have a period
why is half of my head shaved?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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