Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
