when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
