I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
