Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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