His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
