sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
