hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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