i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
