I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
