the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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