There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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