Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
