My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
