i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
