Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
