The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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