Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
