she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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