Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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