Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Drunk is not a location!
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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