I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
