Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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