How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize