Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I forget how to act sober
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
