She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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