Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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