NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
