...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
