Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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