1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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