Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
