Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
