He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
