You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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