Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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